Bob's Page

[an error occurred while processing this directive]
Pet me...cuddle me...take me home with you...purrpurrpurrpurrpurr Bob

I am a big (14 pounds) friendly boy who loves to be petted. I grew up with a Spanish-speaking family, and am bilingual. Unfortunately, my first family's son became allergic to me, and when I went to live outside, I got slashed up by a possum or something.

My new mama and papa adopted me right after my first birthday. I ran away from them that night and they had to call my old family to come and find me. But I stayed with my new people, and now I like them a lot.

I'm the second cat in the house, so I have to do what Jack says. I keep trying to change that, but he's pretty tough. I outweigh him by 4 pounds, though, so I figure I'm bound to win sometime. Plus I'm much more photogenic than he is, so they have lots of cute pictures of me. That means they love me more, right?

I love pens and straws for playing, and catnip reduces me to a drooling imbecile. The best place for sleeping is on the lap of a person using the computer because they don't move much, and then they're at my mercy.

Well, my folks have been casting aspersions on my weight...I'm up to 15 pounds and gaining a pound a year. They are now talking about putting me on a diet. They did for a while, and it worked...I was hungry all the time. But now they're gone so often, I can convince their housesitter to feed me whenever I want. Such is the power of a charming cat!

It's a year later, spring 2000... They actually did it. I've been on the Poor Starving Cat Diet for about 2 months now...they give me food morning and night, and pick it up again after half an hour...and then I STARVE ALL DAY LONG! The worst part is, Jack is still allowed to eat all he wants...I know, because at least once a day, I'll be outside...and when he comes out to join me, there's CAT FOOD on his breath. This is completely unfair.

I tried meowing, to let them know I was STARVING TO DEATH, but all they did was put me outside whenever I did. We finally came to an agreement: I can follow them into the kitchen looking cute and wistful, I can dance around their feet, I can give them the big pathetic long as I don't cry for food they don't banish me.

My mommy says she wishes someone would only allow her half a cup of dry food twice a day and keep her from eating anything else, but I know she doesn't mean it...on the other hand, I'm getting thinner; my people say that they can see my face again and not just rolls of fat...and the heat this summer wasn't quite so bad, I didn't melt into a puddle like last year. Hm...maybe this diet thing isn't so bad after all...

Fall 2001: sigh. 16 lbs and climbing. Lucky I'm so sweet or they might not buy me any more food...on the other hand, cat food costs a lot less than Jack's vet bills!

The War of the Cat Box
This is the year that I decided to stop fooling around. I'm an older (almost 10 years old), larger (17 lb.!) cat now and am entitled to some respect around here! Mom and Dad think I should be meowing at the door when I want to go out, and they THROW me out into all kinds of awful weather...I know summer is outside the kitchen door, the one that sometimes leads into the garage...but no matter how often I ask to go out that door, they make me go out the ones that lead into the cold and rain.

Is it any wonder that I just stopped asking to go out? They didn't like that...claimed the carpet smelled. Hmph. Excuses. They're just trying to get rid of me so they can pet Jack while I'm outside all alone. They tried taking me to the vet, throwing me out every two hours, keeping an eye on me...but I'm smarter than they are. Finally, Mom gave in...she always swore she would never live with a cat box in the house...but this weekend she broke down and got me one. I'm all set for a comfortable old age! Now if they'd only realize that we would all be happier without Jack around...

Bob Retires
So Mom got me my cat box, right before Christmas 2001...I love it. No matter how cold and awful it gets, I don't have to go out. One day early in the new year, I was sitting in my favorite chair, and Mom looked at me, and said, "Bob, do you know you haven't been outside in over TWO WEEKS?"

And your point is? I thought to myself...

Then Papa said that he had been telling a friend about my brilliant maneuver to get my own way...and the fact that I never have to go out any more...and the friend figured it out.

"Bob's RETIRED!" she said. And that's exactly right. I'm retired now, and don't you humans wish you could retire as early and as comfortably? The only time I go out is when the housecleaners come with their horrible catchasing machines, and even then Mom and Papa have to catch me and throw me out. The rest of the time, I eat, sleep, nap, purr and get petted. Sleeping on the bed where the heater hits is a favorite activity of mine. Life is good for a retired cat!

I like to help my people out!

Here I am helping my papa get over a cold.
Cats are essential to every camping trip.
You wanted to write? Pet me instead!
I love to help play games.I get lots of attention when I sit in the middle of the board.
I always help my people do their laundry.
It's my job.
Bob's Song*

Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob the Cat
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob the Cat
Bob the ca-a-at, he's so fa-a-at, Bob the ca-a-at,
He's a kitty, he's a kitty, he's a kitty, he's a kitty,
He's a cat!
Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob the Cat

Bob the cat,
Bob the cat,
He's pretty big
And he's pretty fat
Bob the cat


He's kinda white
And he's kinda gray
And he's kinda black
Cause he likes it that way
Bob the cat


*Tune: Barbara Ann by the Beach Boys

Mom and Papa brought home a KITTEN! Oh NO!

You know, this Wilson isn't so's kinda nice having a buddy. Mom and Papa think I'm going to be jealous of him, so they don't bug me about how much I eat anymore, and I've started being careful about using my cat pan again...gotta be a good example to the little fella! Things are really more interesting with him here...he plays a lot, with the oddest toys! I don't really get it, but it's fun to watch...I'm glad he came to live with us!

Even Jack and I are getting along pretty well!
And here I am, absorbing Jack into my body, starting with his head...Mom thought this was hilarious. Sometimes I wonder about her...

Uh come the boxes...looks like we're moving. Cats don't like this...what if they forgot us? better make sure they don't. And here we are...time to settle least they brought us along.

No! We're moving again... AND AGAIN! Will this ever stop???

Well...Mom and Papa say that they are done moving. Three times in three years, that was a bit much for any cat!

I was up to 18 pounds there for a while, but Mom and Papa have found a way to keep me from eating except when I'm supposed to, so I'm down to a svelte and lovely 15 pounds. I actually feel like getting up from the couch, and even going outside once in a while, and there is excellent sunshine in this place. I hope we stay here a long, long time. Here are some more cute pictures of me and my papa...

Well, now that Jack is gone, Mom says I've been promoted. I'm now the Goddamn Paterfamilias, and she keep saying I'm 'bonafide' and snickering. I don't know what that means, except that now I'm number one head only top cat. I like this! sleeping, eating, doing what I want when I want and telling Wilson what to do too. This is the life!

But...what's that? OH NO! Mom and Papa have brought home NEW CATS! Darn it, after 14 years of having to deal with Jack, I finally get to be top cat...and now I have to tell these new girls what's what. They don't know yet that all the food in the house, and all the couches, and all the petting, and maybe the bed too...belong to ME. But I'll tell them soon enough!

Papa belongs to me. Papa DEFINITELY belongs to me. Did I mention that Papa is mine? Okay, I'll share with Wilson, I like him... but I'm NUMBER ONE at the food dishes! and don't you forget it!

My people thought this was funny. It's actually Papa's cake. I'm not that old! See me playing? just like a KITTEN? But you know...the older I get, the more I just like to cuddle with my buddies. Photo op, guys! Smile!

May 13, 1992 - March 3, 2010